I just received an advertisement with this language:
A socially responsible vertically integrated production model and a systematic aversion to waste allow Company X to staff its sweatshop-free facility with 7,500 smile-wearing workers while keeping its prices low and its environmental impact to a minimum.
Thing is, I don't know what it means without getting out my Economics 101 book and really digging in to the meat of the paragraph.
What the hell does "vertically integrated production model," or, "a systematic aversion to waste," mean?
Why not say, "You get lower prices and higher quality American-Made clothing due to our employees' commitment to reducing waste (maximizing our raw materials so we can get more from less), and having the most efficient manufacturing process available."
I get that.
Here's the ultimate test in advertising: If a 6th grader can understand what your ad is selling and what it means to him as a consumer, then you've got the language required to sell to the masses.
Don't overestimate the intelligence of your audience or their interest in your "vertically integrated production model." Who cares? It doesn't have anything to do with the consumer, so why talk about it unless you can convert it to terms important and relevant to the sale.